Group
dynamics and interrelationship studies will give all kinds of examples for
people skills. These are skills and techniques that help us understand people,
deal with people, cooperate with people, and coexist with people. Some we learn
in the context of family. Others we learn in the greater context of community
whatever the setting might be. Some skills help us tolerate the presence of
other people. Some allow us the opportunity to move into deeper relationships
with people. Some work for the best of all involved. Some have a darker side
that appears more as a means of manipulation than of peaceful coexistence.
One
particular people skill has been around for thousands of years. In its earliest
history it was usually couched in negative terms. Approaching the time of Jesus
of Nazareth, the more positive statement of the “Golden Rule” became accepted.
The formulation by Jesus has become the best known.
Mat
7:12 "Do for others what you want them to do for you: this is the meaning
of the Law of Moses and of the teachings of the prophets.”
If we are to
see this simple statement as a basic skill for getting along with people, then
we need to be sensitive to all the areas of life in which we need to apply it.
People are everywhere. People everywhere have feelings. They all have goals,
priorities, and agendas. At one time we might have been able to live without
them, but not anymore. If we are to have any hope of peace, satisfaction, and a
sense of personal accomplishment, we need this basic people skill.
A major
difference between the negative form of this statement so common in world
religions and its positive statement is the role of initiative. The negative
form says to avoid actions that harm others. The positive form says take the
initiative and relate to the other person or persons in the way you would want
to be treated if they so chose to do so. You act the way you desire from others
even if they don’t respond at all! This is at the heart of what Jesus taught.
In my family
I had better follow the Golden Rule with my wife. If I want consideration, I
need to offer consideration. If I want compassion, I need to give compassion.
If I want forgiveness, then forgiveness needs to come quickly from my heart. If
I want to be loved, then I must be ready to love unconditionally.
The critical
component for this skill in the teachings of Jesus, however, is the lack of
need for reciprocity. You love even if they don’t love. You are considerate
even if they are not considerate. You show compassion when others don’t. You
forgive even when others are not sorry.
The second
of the two Great Commandments is often used as a form of the Golden Rule, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
(Matthew 22:39) Love for yourself as you would want to express it becomes the
standard by which you love those around you regardless of their circumstances
or the category by which we may identify them. Your neighbor is one who shares
your world, and we live in a big world. Anyone who crosses our path is our
neighbor. Anyone who needs our assistance in moving toward the abundant life in
the plan of Jesus is our neighbor. Recognizing who is our neighbor is as simple
as recognizing anyone who needs the love of God.
Living out
the Golden Rule is to “live at peace
with all men insofar as it depends upon you”. (Romans 12:18) It means being
generous when people don’t expect it. It means being kind when people don’t
deserve it. It means forgiving when people aren’t sorry. It means taking that
first step to show the desire for reconciliation when there is no reciprocal
response forthcoming.
Such an
attitude should dominate family relations. It should dictate our work ethic and
marketplace relationships. It should mold our reaction to people we meet each
day whether we know them or not. It reflects the heart of God.
