How honest should we adoms be in dealing with people? People ask me how things are going in the association. Pastoral candidates ask me how things are in a particular church that has made contact with them. Church members ask what they should do about an issue in their church, especially when it relates to the pastor. Pastors ask my opinion on dealing with certain church members. I am asked by search committees how much they should tell a candidate about the issues in their church. Lay leaders ask me what they should do about church issues while seeking a new pastor. How honest should we be?
The Apostle Paul said we should speak the truth in love. Sounds like good advice. You also have to be willing to accept the consequences when you speak the truth even if it is in love. Some people just don't want to hear the truth, especially when it is directed at them. Making the truth palatable can be a difficult thing to do. Must that be a part of our calling as doms, to make the truth easy to swallow?
Diplomacy is always a good thing, but it should never be chosen over sacrificing the truth. Harmony and peaceful relationships should always be goals, but not at the loss of the integrity of the relationship or calling.
Hiding the truth is one thing. Letting individuals know that there are questions that need to be asked and answers received is another way of handling difficult situations and much more preferrable. Perhaps we as doms should not be the answer folks for everyone. Neither should we be the ones who set someone or some church up for a disastrous ambush.
What we say when asked blunt questions should be decided by the context and how well we know the individual will handle the truth or what he or she will do with it. We should not, however, sacrifice our integrity for the sake of immediate peace or personal emotional safety.
