The other
day as I was checking out of the grocery store, a young woman was in the next
line about to finish and leave the store. She was more than young enough to be
my daughter. She was dressed in neat, fashionable, thrift store style. Her hair
was long and blond. She was a very attractive young woman who seemed to care
how she looked in public.
I wanted to
tell her that she looked nice, a bit unusual for grocery store patrons, but I
knew that was out of the question. Society now considers such comments as
unsolicited flirtation, sexual harassment, the actions of a dirty old man, or a
combination of all three. There stood a young woman who actually had taken the
time to present herself in decent fashion in public, neatly and appropriately
dressed, and I could not tell her I appreciated her efforts.
A family and
marriage counselor comments we have entered a time when you can compliment
something about a person of the opposite sex, but you cannot compliment the
person. You can compliment the person’s jewelry or coat, maybe even the shoes.
You cannot, however, say they look nice. That compliments the person, not an
object, and that is forbidden.
In a day
when people feel isolated by the very social media upon which they have come to
depend, we are cautious to the extreme about even what we say, much more how we
may touch someone. Shaking hands with someone must be in appropriate fashion.
Two men can hug if done quickly. A man can hug a woman only from the side and
likewise must be done quickly. There are times when we all crave the touch of
another human being simply because we are made that way. Our society has
dictated that touch is forbidden except under the most restricted
circumstances. Words are controlled almost to the same extent.
The marriage
counselor gave a good reason for this caution concerning words and the use of
touch. People are starved. They are starved for a compliment. They are starved
for a kind word. They are starved for the attention that a compliment
indicates. They are starved for a human touch that says they are worth
noticing, worth the time it takes to reach out and place a hand on a shoulder.
When the word or the touch finally comes, it becomes something far more than
intended.
That is when
things become dangerous and the caution about words and touch takes on real
meaning. We want to know someone notices us. We want to know that someone
thinks we have some value. We want to know that someone considers us attractive
and wants to be with us. We reach out in response to what we interrupt as
personal interest, and the first step is taken toward a damaging and destructive
relationship.
We intend a
word to say only what it means. Yet the one who hears it hears what they have
been longing to hear for a long time. We intend for that hand on the shoulder
to say that we understand. The one who receives the touch, however, sees
someone who cares, a feeling they have not had perhaps in years.
There is a
right way. There is a way to honor another person without giving the wrong
impression. It always includes having a third person present. That third person
needs to be the Holy Spirit of God.
Seek to
honor God and you will honor the person you compliment. When you make sure that
every word and every touch would honor God, what you say and do has a better
chance of being received the way it is intended. People need to know God loves
them and cares about them. God can do it in word and deed through each of us.
