Time Well Spent

In recent days I have had two most enjoyable experiences. In both cases it involved time spent with two gentlemen several years older than myself. This says something about their age as I have already celebrated my own three score and ten years.

 

The first event involved three hours of delightful conversation and reminiscing with a long term friend. This wasn’t just sitting on a front porch in a rocking chair. The first two hours were spent driving no more than a mile from home while noting the changes in our town.

 

I have lived here only about nineteen years. This community had been the home of my older friend for most of his life. His description of businesses, homes, streets, and most of all, the personalities that had shaped the town made local history come alive.

 

After our time in the car, we spent the final hour in a local coffee shop continuing our conversation over drinks and sandwiches. Often he paused and apologized for having forgotten names or dates for events. I assured him I had the same problem.

 

When I took him home, I could see the change. His step was a little livelier and his smile a little broader. Yes, he had forgotten bits of history, but it was obvious in our looking back through the years, he remembered people and events long forgotten. It only took a short drive around town and a grilled cheese sandwich to reclaim the memories. Time well spent.

 

An extended conversation by phone brought about much the same result in another older gentleman. He had been absent from the Bible study I lead each week at the local Senior Center. His upcoming surgery was a concern for our group.

 

With his permission I called him to check on how he was doing. For the next hour he explained the details of what he was facing, the preliminary doctor visits he would have to have, and with what he was dealing on a day to day basis. His attitude was optimistic and he looked forward to rejoining our Bible study “family” soon.

 

During our hour of sharing, few subjects were left uncovered. It appeared my friend had had few opportunities in the recent past to share his opinion on his favorite topics. My call and willing ear gave him that open door to opine on the conditions of the world both macro and micro.

 

The tenor of the conversation rapidly cycled between laughter and critique, between jokes and seriousness, between hope and disappointment. In all ways there was an uninhibited freedom to express long held viewpoints and perspectives. Limitations may have existed in some fashion with mobility, but they did not extend to a willingness to share life. Time well spent.

 

Time is a most precious commodity. How we use this precious possession reveals our value systems and priorities. Each day we have is restricted to twenty-four hours. We all have the same number of hours each day even if we have a different number of years. Each of those hours is precious.

 

The question for each of us is what does our use of time reflect about our values and our priorities. I suggest bringing an interruption in the loneliness, or even aloneness in the life of another who is alone too often, is time well spent.

 

Jesus once said about doing good for others, “The King will reply, "I tell you, whenever you did this for one of the least important of these followers of mine, you did it for me!' (Good News Bible)

 

PHILLIPIANS 4:6-7 Why Worry

 I hope to publish here every two weeks. On alternate publication dates the blog will focus on personal insights and the other dates will be shared biblical insights on a particular passage from the Holy Bible. My prayer is they will be of some benefit.

DON'T WORRY? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!

 

6 Don't worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart.

7 And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus. (Good News Bible)

 

I never read the story Pollyanna, but I understand it carries the same imagery we intend through using the phrase, "looking through rose-colored glasses". A person has the attitude that everything will turn out fine. Personally, I find that impossible!

 

Worry is what makes the world go around, not love. People worry about the future so they plan and save and buy insurance and make wills and keep guns in their houses and put up fences. People worry about their health, how much money they have, if moles are destroying their lawns, if their neighbor's swimming pool cost more than theirs, and if their children are dressed in the right styles, and on the right soccer team.

 

People worry if the sun will melt the snow on the ski run too quickly, if it will rain on their day off, or if the snow will keep the kids home from school. They worry if the house payment will be too much or if the shoes will not cost enough. They worry if the Democrats get into office or if the Republicans get put back in. They worry about the news on CNN and lack of it on the Weather Channel. They worry about taking care of their grandparents and their grandchildren all on the same day! And the Apostle Paul has the nerve to tell us not to worry.

 

Worry proves the connection between thoughts and bodily functions. Worry is the impetus behind creative action in the midst of emergency circumstances. Worry is also the immoveable object we call paralysis in the same emergency situation. Worry is the source of pain for millions. Worry is the source of divine comfort for millions. Who can escape worry?

 

Worry looks inward and becomes self-destructive, or it looks outward and finds fault and places blame. Worry rarely works toward finding solutions. Worry rarely looks for win-win solutions. Worry puts butterflies in the stomach, twitches in the hands and kneecaps, pain behind the eyes, and sweat on the brow. Worry wastes time just like Spider Solitaire.

 

Paul proposes an option - Prayer. Prayer is doing something. You don't have to understand the process of what you are doing. You don't have to understand what the results will be. You don't even have to understand the how and when of God's actions. You simply have to pray.

 

Praying instead of worrying is a letting-go process. Praying as opposed to worrying involves confession. I cannot handle this by myself. Praying is acknowledging. God, you are big enough to handle this. Praying is accepting freedom from responsibility. God, you are not holding me accountable for handling this situation all by myself.

 

Paul's directions don't let us off the hook. Refusing to worry doesn't mean that we are not intimately involved in the process of reaching an answer in the current messy situation. We don't just let go and let God. We become part of the material he will use to work out his plan. We put God in the driver's seat while we move to the back. We are still there, just not calling the shots.

 

Prayer is getting in God's face. Talk to God. Tell him what you want. Be honest. Be thorough. Be sincere. Be humble. Put yourself in his hands to be protected, strengthened, and used as a part of the solution to your request. Be thankful that he is always present, always ready to listen, and always ready to help according to his unlimited wisdom and on his time table.

A New Freedom

It has been nearly two and one half years since my last post for this blog. Life changes and that has included my life as well. My last entry was soon after my mother at the age of ninety-three passed away. Since then my life experiences have included celebrating my seventy-first birthday, drawing my first Social Security check, retiring from my life vocation as a Christian minister, and beating cancer for a second time.

Now I look at life from a different perspective on freedom. For most days I decide when I get up and when I go to bed, when I eat meals or if I eat at all. Meetings are few and far in between, and most are occasions for voluntary participation. It seems the only required ones are the occasional doctors’ appointments and my volunteer work at non-profits.

 There is, however, one major stressor. That is accountability. Does that sound strange? I have a new source of accountability. It is neither an organization nor a time clock. It is neither a human boss nor a set of laws. I am accountable to my sense of self-worth.

 In John 8:32 Jesus said, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." We all know we are never truly free. Laws in the natural world limit us in one way or another as do political laws. If we intend to stay alive, growing older is one of the big ones. Freedom has to be seen in a different light. Part of that different light is who will hold us accountable.

God has said and shown I am worth the life of his Son Jesus Christ sacrificed upon a Roman cross, the innocent for the guilty. In that act of love I see myself having tremendous worth, and therefore I must live a life that reflects that worth.

In the remaining years of my life, however many that may be, my love for God must reflect that self-worth. My love for mankind must reflect that sense of self-worth. My love for myself and how I care for myself must reflect that sense of self-worth. This includes not only caring for my physical being, but also being careful about what enters my eyes and ears and then into my heart.

God will hold me accountable for the commitment I have made to him. It will shape the use of my time and material resources. It is a commitment to be revealed in my roles as husband, father, grandfather, friend, and as a member of the Body of Christ.

The changes that have occurred over the last two and a half years have made me even more aware of how I must make decisions based upon who I am and not who others think I am. Always that self-worth is based upon what God thinks of me. There provides me with true freedom.

John 8:36 “If the Son sets you free, then you will be really free.”

PREPARED FOR DEATH

Just after Christmas I wrote my mother’s obituary. She was still alive at the time with no hint her life had but a few days remaining. I told my sister-in-law I felt Mom would not make it to another Christmas, and I didn’t want to be caught by surprise as when my father died. I don’t remember being prompted by any premonition. I just wanted to get some thoughts and facts on paper with plenty of time for rewrites. Three weeks later she died quietly in her sleep.

Death is inevitable for all living things. That perhaps is a part of the definition of life. Life includes birth and death and without these two there cannot be life in the sense we know it. Yet in spite of our knowledge death will come, we greet it with great ceremony and sorrow that reflects our own sense of loss.

So it was with my mother. She outlived almost all her friends. Those gathered at the funeral were mostly children, grandchildren, nephews and nieces, and a handful of friends who had known her in that small rural community from years long past. Tears were shed, but there were also a lot of smiles and more than one echo of soft laughter as memories were shared of how she touched the lives of so many.

For over ninety-three years she had been family member, friend, and neighbor. Now all that was left on earth was a cold, earthen vessel of embalmed flesh and all the memories in the hearts of those left behind.

The grief shared by those gathered in that small chapel was overwhelmed by the joy all felt for the woman they had loved for so many years as she no longer suffered from early stage dementia or arthritic hands and feet. They rather celebrated the freedom she now enjoyed in a setting the rest of us can only see through faith.

I Corinthians 15:22-26 For just as all people die because of their union with Adam, in the same way all will be raised to life because of their union with Christ. But each one will be raised in proper order: Christ, first of all; then, at the time of his coming, those who belong to him. Then the end will come; Christ will overcome all spiritual rulers, authorities, and powers, and will hand over the Kingdom to God the Father.  For Christ must rule until God defeats all enemies and puts them under his feet. The last enemy to be defeated will be death. (Today’s English Version)

I have written in earlier months about the dynamics of older adult life. With the death of my mother, the last of her generation in the family into which she married seventy-three years ago, the desire to keep writing about older adults has lost some of its appeal. No doubt I will return to the subject perhaps in the near future as I myself look at my own soon-to-begin eighth decade. For now however, my writing will take a different turn.

With this last and delayed submission, this blog will come to a close. Perhaps there are those who will look at some previous entry and find something worthy to read. If I live long enough and write here once more, other submissions may also pique their interest. As always portions of the Holy Bible will continue to be the foundation for my worldview, and they will be my starting point for understanding the world in which I live.

God bless you who have taken time to read these random words. May you find some benefit in them in the days to come.

The Need to Be Needed

You can be alone and not be lonely. You can be lonely and not be alone. It has everything to do with feeling wanted. If you know someone wants you, even if they are not present, you have a sense of value. If you can’t imagine anyone wanting you, then you feel you have no reason to exist. It’s all because of a relationship.

Invitations to any gathering of people indicate we are wanted. We might question the motivation for the invitation, but if it is sincere, we can say we are wanted. Often we go to gatherings for one primary reason. We will be missed if we don’t go, again indicating we feel wanted.

The opposite is also true. We can think of a thousand reasons for not going somewhere we feel we will not be wanted. The rejection will be almost tangible, if not outright obvious. No one enjoys that so we avoid those situations if at all possible.

For the Christian as well as any individual, there is the need to be wanted. Perhaps more so as we want to know we are wanted by God. We take comfort in the belief God wants us and has taken steps born of love to let us know his love.

Jesus told a parable about a lost sheep and made this point,

Luke 15:4 "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them - what do you do? You leave the other ninety-nine sheep in the pasture and go looking for the one that got lost until you find it.” (Good News Bible)

He uses this parable to illustrate the desire of the heavenly Father to keep his followers. God wants us! He will go to any extreme to keep us close. He even allowed his Son Jesus to die for us to insure that relationship could be maintained.

We want to be wanted. We need to be needed. Almost every senior adult knows what it is like to find themselves in a situation where they feel they are not wanted. We may call that feeling “being in the way”, or “unnecessary”, or “a bother”. Others may not see it that way or understand our feelings, but the feelings are real nonetheless.

As we grow older, our relationships change as they seem to grow fewer in number. Older family members, then siblings and long time friends pass away. Those who are new in our circle of acquaintances already have other relationships which are more important. Younger members of our family or circle of friends have a different set of interests and other involvements in life. We can very quickly begin to feel as if we are “in the way”.

Central to our faith is knowing God never sees us in that light. We are never in his way, never a bother to him, and always of ultimate value to him. One of the reasons Jesus gave us the parable of the lost sheep is to tell us we cannot go on feelings. They do not always reflect the truth. God’s promises are the foundation for our faith, not our feelings.

Incorporate the senior adult into multi-person activities as often as possible. This is especially helpful if the individual’s past interests and skills can be utilized. Being wanted may consist of simply being remembered. The need may be nothing more than a request to pray for a specific person or event. Regardless of a person’s health, wealth, or social standing, we need each other, and God always wants to hear from his children. Fathers who love their children find it to be one of their greatest joys.

For the follower of Jesus the Christ, his birth started a relationship that will never end. God wants us to the point he is willing to be with us – Emmanuel.