The Age-Old Game of “Pass the Buck”

In many ways this is a game similar to “The Gift of Blame”. When we’re not sure what the right decision would be, we leave it for someone else to decide. We don’t want to take responsibility for a potential wrong decision. This might be seen as wise. In reality we are letting someone else make the decision and be held accountable for the results.

 The active way to do this is hand the decision to someone else. Tell them they are blessed with the authority to make the decision, and in unspoken words tell them they are responsible for any mistakes. The passive way is to leave the decision on your desk until the deadline passes, and by default the decision is made. I’m really good at the latter. In fact this is such an acceptable way of making decisions we have it built into our executive branch legal system. A law can sit on the governor’s desk long enough, and it will become law without a signature.

How old is the game of “Pass the Buck”? It’s old enough to be seen in the Bible. The case in point is the Apostle Paul as we discover in the book of Acts, chapter 23.

Act 23:26-30 "Claudius Lysias to His Excellency, Governor Felix: Greetings. The Jews seized this man and were about to kill him. I learned that he is a Roman citizen, so I went with my soldiers and rescued him. I wanted to know what they were accusing him of, so I took him down to their Council. I found out that he had not done a thing for which he deserved to die or be put in prison; the accusation against him had to do with questions about their own law. And when I was informed that there was a plot against him, at once I decided to send him to you. I have told his accusers to make their charges against him before you."

Lysias wouldn’t make the decision about what to do with Paul. Paul was a Jew which made him of little importance to the Romans. Paul was a Roman citizen which made him extremely important to the Romans. What did Lysias do? He passed the buck. The same thing happens again at the end of chapter 24 between two Roman representatives.

How often do we do this in our personal lives? How often do we do it in our churches? Taking responsibility for making a decision can be a scary thing. When we claim the authority to make a decision, we are also putting ourselves in the position of being held accountable for the results. That is not always a comfortable situation.

Asking for advice upon which to make a decision is a wise move. Taking time to weigh all options is also wise if sufficient time is available. The bottom line is someone has to make decisions. That’s why they get paid the megabucks. Those who refuse to make decisions stay on the bottom rung and do what someone tells them. It’s safe, it’s comfortable, and it’s nearly free from the pressure of accountability.

Daily we must make decisions some of which involve significant consequences. What kind of education will we seek? What kind of job will we take? Will we marry and if so whom? Will we uproot our family to take a different job? How will we handle our material resources? How will we prepare for retirement and end of life events? Sometimes it would be so nice if someone else made the decisions for us, but alas.

In the church how much does not get done because someone believes a decision is not necessary? A more common statement is, “That’s not my job.” That’s called passing the buck by default. It’s not my responsibility so no one can hold me responsible.

God made the decision to send his Son to be our Savior. He took the responsibility. He paid the price. We are the recipients of the divine love. We are also recipients of the responsibility to pass the love on, the best kind of passing the buck.

Preparing To Let Go

Sixteen years ago I stood by my father-in-law’s casket and said something like, “This is all happening too soon. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. You were supposed to be around for a lot more years!” He was a few days shy of reaching his 68^th birthday. His daughter and I had been married less than twenty years. I had laughingly told people that when I decided to get married, I went looking for a man I thought would make a great father-in-law and hoped he would have a daughter acceptable as a wife. I found the best of both.

The rheumatoid arthritis that destroyed his lungs came fast, silently, and ended his life while he still had much to enjoy. My wife and I had looked forward to many years of his grandpa role for our two sons. We were not prepared to let him go. Now we must try to get ready to move once more through the same process. Letting go can be a hard decision.

Last week was a time of touring nursing homes, questioning administrators, and evaluating what the elder generation can handle. The words were wise but not easy to take coming from a family counselor who said, “Tom, you may want your parents to be happy in the last years of their lives, however many that may be. But you cannot focus on what will make them happy. You have to focus on what is best for them. That is the way you will be the son they need you to be.”

I watched my parents turn a farm of rocky Kentucky clay into a garden. Pop could make a limestone outcropping produce wagons full of corn. We didn’t measure our potatoes by the pound. We measured them in hundred pound feed sacks. My parents were strong. In a little boy’s eyes, they would always be strong.

They aren’t strong anymore. They have moved step by step from the farm to a house with a garden to a small two-bedroom apartment to an assisted living facility. Now we are looking for a nursing home that will offer skilled care when it is needed. One of these days I will have to let them go. That will be the hardest decision of all. I will have to do it, not because it will make anybody happy, but because it is what is best.

It doesn’t make it any easier that my mother-in-law has slow growing but terminal cancer. We have to prepare to let her go as well. In none of these cases do we know when, only that it is inevitable. We can try to think in terms of happiness, but always it comes back to what is best.

Jesus looked across the centuries and saw in me an older man who just wanted to be a little boy again. The little boy could be happily ignorant of taxes and bills, cattle prices, and tobacco poundage. His dad always had everything under control. He could play in the winter snow, hunt arrowheads after a summer rain, and help his mother pick strawberries eating as many as he put in the bucket.

Jesus saw him and said, “If you are tired of carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on you and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 CEV) Jesus’ listeners understood. A young, untrained ox would be teamed with an older, experienced animal. Sharing the yoke, the younger would learn from the older. They would pull together but the strength and experience of the older animal would make it easier for both.

Someday I will have to let my parents go even as my wife must let her mother go. Preparing for that time is not easy. That is the human perspective. The spiritual view is so much better. It is not only for the best, it also offers happiness, eternal happiness – Revelation 21:1-4.

Making the Hard Decisions

Near the end of the Gospel of John (21:15-19), Jesus tells Peter things will be changing for him in a few years. He will get older and lose his freedom to choose. People will bind him and take him where he does not want to go. This week my family is taking the first steps in preparing to move my parents from an assisted living community where a reasonable amount of freedom exists to a new residence where the restrictions will be much greater. This is not a fun time.

As a little boy on the farm I never thought about taxes. I never gave much thought about the price of beef or pork. The ideas of insurance and long term health care were the farthest things from my mind. If those things needed to be considered, then my parents took care of that. I had ball games to play and unexplored territory to cover and unfortunately tobacco to hoe. Now the roles are reversed. Pop is no longer concerned about the price of hogs or tobacco. Paying the insurance bills is someone else’s responsibility. My sibling and I have to make the hard decisions.

I remember seeing my father in those early days sitting at his desk and going over books I didn’t recognize. Later I learned those were checkbooks, state crop reports, and documents showing animal stock market price trends. There were magazines with information on crop seed, weed control, and pesticides. All were topics that held little interest for an eight-year-old boy, but were critical for the one having to make the hard decisions. Now I’m reading documents on elder law, Medicare, and Medicaid. There are not only the rules, regulations, and what to prioritize, but also the emotions.

For an hour and a half I listened to and questioned an expert on local nursing homes and the essential elements to be considered when choosing a new residence for my parents. The basics like sanitation and house rules were reviewed. The stability of local administration was a factor to be given weight. The government restrictions in the financial realm were covered. Millionaires might not have to worry about such things. The rest of us do.

The book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament is not one often studied which is a shame. It is one of the most human writings in the Bible. The author does not fear to express his frustration with life. He sees beyond the limits of materialism and earthly power. He recognizes that for life to have meaning it cannot be grounded in anything limited to this world. His search for meaning reflects that of all humanity. He has much to teach us.

In the last chapter the Teacher of Ecclesiastes gives a poignant description of old age. (Ecclesiastes 12:1-8) With graphic images he speaks of physical deterioration and the loss of emotional control. As with the words of Jesus to Peter, there comes a time when someone else will make the decisions for us, and things will not be as we might wish. Someone else will become the parent and we will once more be the child.

Proverbs 3:3-6 can prepare us for those days. With love, faithfulness, and trust in God as the foundational pillars in our lives, we can face those days with an assurance that things will be in the hands of God. Keep love and faithfulness close to your heart. Look to the One who has your best interest in mind all the time. Depend upon the One who has the answer to every life situation that will bring you closer to his will for your life. Trust the One who was there with you in the beginning and will be with you through the end. Trust the One with divine wisdom to help you with every decision.