I Told You So!

Don’t you just hate it when you hear those words directed at you? It is bad enough to be wrong. It is worse when you are wrong and someone else is right. The worst situation is when you are wrong, someone else is right, and they remind you of it. At that moment you pray for patience and the strength to admit you are wrong and they are right without you doing something crude and brutal to them or wishing someone else would.

Being civilized should mean something in our conversation with others. We think before we speak or act. We consider how our words might be received by our listeners. We do all we can to make sure what we want to say is what is understood by our listeners. We know our tone of voice will convey as much if not more than our words. Even our body language will determine how our words are received.

The brief statement, “I told you so”, conveys different meanings and emotions to different people. The confession I offer here is simply I do not like the statement, and it has a tremendous impact upon how I look at the person making the statement both at the time and in later situations.

Is this a new statement? Not at all. I have very little disagreement with the Apostle Paul. He could, however, test my patience on the rare occasion. This involves how he treated some people and how his speech did not always convey the compassion and grace the gospel demanded.

On example may be found in Acts 15 where Paul refused to allow John Mark to travel with him on his second missionary journey due to a past failing. Emotions prevailed and a missionary partnership was dissolved. Only later was there a reconciliation. The other example of Paul’s abruptness is found in Acts 27 during the long and disastrous journey from Caesarea to Rome for Paul’s trial before the emperor.

Act 27:20-21 For many days we could not see the sun or the stars, and the wind kept on blowing very hard. We finally gave up all hope of being saved. After everyone had gone a long time without food, Paul stood before them and said, "You should have listened to me and not have sailed from Crete; then we would have avoided all this damage and loss.

Earlier in the voyage the captain and the crew had decided to make the voyage to Rome instead of staying in a less than adequate harbor for the winter. Paul had counseled staying in the safety of the harbor limited as it might be. Now with disaster seeming to await them, Paul stands up and says, “I told you so!” I would have thrown him overboard.

Reading the chapter you will discover the ship is lost, but everyone escapes to an island safely and are rescued, eventually able to continue their journey to Rome. Paul’s words, however, hang as a sour note in the middle of God’s rescue of the crew and passengers. Who wants to hear someone say, “I told you so” even while your ship faces almost certain destruction?

Being right is a wonderful feeling. Being right when everyone else seems to be wrong can lead you to feel more than a little self-righteous. James in his brief letter carrying his name emphasized we need to:

Jam 1:19 Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Being quick to listen and slow to speak is what gives us the opportunity to think about what would be most appropriate to say before we say it. Being right is always best. Being right and silent may also be appropriate, at times even better.

Give warning when warning is needed. Allow the results to show you were right. If they are evident, then all will know and need not be told. If the results are not evident, don’t be so sure you were right.

You Can’t Beat Teamwork!

This past weekend I worked with an international children’s golf tournament as a volunteer, specifically with a group of 144 ten-year-old boys representing several foreign countries and numerous states. Others volunteers served as starters, scorers, rule judges, and shuttle drivers. My job along with several others involved making sure large coolers scattered around the course were full of ice and water. The three days were simply a delight.

Close to 50 volunteers worked part or all of the three days from 6:00 AM to nearly 7:00 PM. Though cool in the mornings, by 1:00 PM the overcast haze was gone and the sun was hot with temperatures in the mid 90’s. Most of the adults accompanying their young golfers behaved as ladies and gentlemen though a small handful showed their less than genteel tempers at times.

The local folks who gave of their time to make the tournament possible did not have to be recruited. They came looking for a place of service. They didn’t try to do their job plus someone else’s. They didn’t complain when the conditions were inconvenient or uncomfortable. They didn’t seek out personal recognition. They gave support to others doing similar work and to others who were doing different tasks. They cheered on the young golfers offering them words of encouragement. When the day and the tournament were over, they thanked the course supervisor for the opportunity to serve.

After all had gone home, the excitement of the awesome finish had dissipated, and the evaluation of the event was underway, I thought to myself, when was the last time I had seen a group of church volunteers working with the same attitude. I had to admit that the times had been rare.

The list jumped in front of me. The auditorium was too hot or too cold. The choir was too loud or too soft. The songs were too new or too old. The preacher talked too long. No one ever complains if the sermon is extra short! The little kid in the back made too much noise. Young families have their priorities all wrong, or they would be in church with their little kids. People wear expensive clothes just to parade in front of people. Other people don’t respect the church enough to wear decent clothes.

This person gets asked to do the good jobs. That person is never asked to do anything. The custodian didn’t do a good job of cleaning a classroom. The custodian removed old literature that was being saved. The bathroom stinks. The bathroom smells like perfume.

An old saying full of truth says, “The one thing over which you have total control is your attitude.” A group of volunteers at an international golf tournament took it seriously they represented the sponsoring tournament, the host golf course, and the county itself. They took their ambassadorships seriously. They wanted to make a good impression though the chances were they would never see any of the golfing families again.

Where do our church members lose sight of their ambassadorships for the Kingdom of God? (II Corinthians 5:20) Why do we forget we are contributing members of the Body of Christ? (Romans 12:3-8; I Corinthians 12) Civility on the golf course says you take turns, you follow basic rules to keep everything in order, and you focus on your job. We come to church and it would appear at times there are no rules except survival of the fittest. You took my parking spot. You took my seat in the sanctuary. I’ll sing extra loud because everyone should get to hear me. Some of us would rather not!

Civility should be a Christian trait. Servanthood, humility, self-sacrifice, and cooperation within the Family of God are qualities exemplified by our crucified Savior. As followers we should offer him our best and follow his example and not just save it for the golf course.

It’s Okay To Be Nice

I realized after I posted the last submission I had not included any biblical foundations for appropriate ways to be nice to others. We have to admit that the times have changed. What found approval two thousand years ago may no longer be met in such fashion today. Humanity is the poorer because of that.

Noah (Genesis 6:9) and Job (Job 1:1) both received complimentary remarks. Their praise came because of obedience to the will of the Lord. King David was called a “man after God’s own heart” because of his submission to God. (I Samuel 13:14) It is rare if ever that a prophet of God received any word of praise for his faithful fulfillment of his calling.

Mary found favor in the eyes of God, but we are not told why. (Luke 1:28-30) Jesus praised Peter when he pointed out that Peter’s insight into Christ’s origin and purpose was a product of his faith. (Matthew 16:17) In the parable of the three servants in John 25, the master compliments two of them with the words, “Well done, good and faithful servants…” The victorious Lord in the book of Revelation compliments several of the seven churches because of their faithfulness in the face of heresy and persecution. (Revelation 2:6, 9, 13, 19; 3:4, 8) On numerous occasions the Apostle Paul praises churches to whom he is writing and coworkers for their faithful service for him and with him. (ex. Romans 1:8; Philippians 1:3-5; 2:19-30; I Thessalonians 1:2-3; II Thessalonians 1:3)

In all these cases compliments and supportive words come from the context of faithfulness to the divine command. Are we to believe that material objects and general appearance are of such low importance to God that he expects us to ignore them and look only on the actions of others as they relate to their obedience to his commands?

Jesus was not afraid of touch. He described the citizens of the Kingdom of God by taking a child in his arms. Many of his miraculous healings took place through the involvement of touch. People touched him and were healed. Jesus was not afraid of touch, but there was purpose when he did, and it was always for the benefit of the individual he touched.

When the Apostle Paul handed out praise, he was bragging on individuals to others who would be stirred to greater works in light of the efforts made by others. He spoke to build people up, to encourage them in the face of the struggles confronting the first century Church.

From these examples there are lessons to be learned. These lessons begin with a word from the New Testament description of heavenly wisdom. (James 3:17) The first quality of wisdom is purity. Little else matters if purity is not at the heart of what we think, say, or do. Any touch or word of praise must come from the purest motivations, or its ability to build up and encourage is diminished or lost altogether.

A similar lesson might be described as Kingdom effect. Jesus improved people’s lives through forgiveness and miracles as a way to reveal the nature of the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom is all about healing, restoration, and an awareness of God’s nature and will. Jesus touched people to introduce them to the heavenly Father. He forgave them to restore them to the relationship the Father wanted. To build people up was to bring them to the Father and help them live in his love.

Human nature has a sinful side we cannot escape. Yet as believers we are still called to reveal the Kingdom of God by what we say and do. Perhaps it is not the attractive young woman with hair brushed and an outfit color coordinated that needs our compliment. Perhaps it is the individual who has gone too long since having heard anything positive. Perhaps all that is needed for that lonely individual is the touch of another’s presence. Time freely given can work miracles and “a word spoken at the right time is like golden apples on a silver tray.” (Proverbs 25:11 HCSB)

Nothing Nice To Say

The other day as I was checking out of the grocery store, a young woman was in the next line about to finish and leave the store. She was more than young enough to be my daughter. She was dressed in neat, fashionable, thrift store style. Her hair was long and blond. She was a very attractive young woman who seemed to care how she looked in public.

I wanted to tell her that she looked nice, a bit unusual for grocery store patrons, but I knew that was out of the question. Society now considers such comments as unsolicited flirtation, sexual harassment, the actions of a dirty old man, or a combination of all three. There stood a young woman who actually had taken the time to present herself in decent fashion in public, neatly and appropriately dressed, and I could not tell her I appreciated her efforts.

A family and marriage counselor comments we have entered a time when you can compliment something about a person of the opposite sex, but you cannot compliment the person. You can compliment the person’s jewelry or coat, maybe even the shoes. You cannot, however, say they look nice. That compliments the person, not an object, and that is forbidden.

In a day when people feel isolated by the very social media upon which they have come to depend, we are cautious to the extreme about even what we say, much more how we may touch someone. Shaking hands with someone must be in appropriate fashion. Two men can hug if done quickly. A man can hug a woman only from the side and likewise must be done quickly. There are times when we all crave the touch of another human being simply because we are made that way. Our society has dictated that touch is forbidden except under the most restricted circumstances. Words are controlled almost to the same extent.

The marriage counselor gave a good reason for this caution concerning words and the use of touch. People are starved. They are starved for a compliment. They are starved for a kind word. They are starved for the attention that a compliment indicates. They are starved for a human touch that says they are worth noticing, worth the time it takes to reach out and place a hand on a shoulder. When the word or the touch finally comes, it becomes something far more than intended.

That is when things become dangerous and the caution about words and touch takes on real meaning. We want to know someone notices us. We want to know that someone thinks we have some value. We want to know that someone considers us attractive and wants to be with us. We reach out in response to what we interrupt as personal interest, and the first step is taken toward a damaging and destructive relationship.

We intend a word to say only what it means. Yet the one who hears it hears what they have been longing to hear for a long time. We intend for that hand on the shoulder to say that we understand. The one who receives the touch, however, sees someone who cares, a feeling they have not had perhaps in years.

There is a right way. There is a way to honor another person without giving the wrong impression. It always includes having a third person present. That third person needs to be the Holy Spirit of God.

Seek to honor God and you will honor the person you compliment. When you make sure that every word and every touch would honor God, what you say and do has a better chance of being received the way it is intended. People need to know God loves them and cares about them. God can do it in word and deed through each of us.

Who Needs the Truth?

I’m glad I was developing the idea for this entry before the election. I can say with all honesty that the victors in our elections did not affect the content. I felt this way before the results came in. I still feel this way.

The Greek dramatist Aeschylus (525 BC – 456 BC) is quoted as saying, “In war the first casualty is the truth.” Political campaigns are not what we first think of when we hear the word war, but it is a definite conflict of wills and words. They involve offense and defense. They always involve high emotions and lots of pain, mental and emotional. We hope in our free country they never involve physical violence.

Yet there are casualties, and truth is the first. I have been voting in presidential elections since 1968. Never have I witnessed such campaign rhetoric as I have heard in this one. Locally we here in North Carolina were spared the extremes in our gubernatorial race. The candidates addressed issues and not each other. They kept the campaign focused on the needs of North Carolinians and not on the personality traits of their opponent. It was a most gentlemanly contest.

This could not be said for the national elections, especially the presidency. The truth was a victim from the very beginning, and neither side had a monopoly on crude and useless language. I got tired of hearing the concluding statement in most ads, “and I approved this message”. My first thought was generally, “You ought to be ashamed of approving that message. Did you watch it before it was sent out?”

The truth is all true. That sounds weird until you hear people saying things they consider mostly true or half true or containing some truth. Such statements are not made to convey truth, but to deceive. A statement that is not all true is false. Yet how much of our conversations involve statements that we know are not all true, but we hope the listener will accept it all as truth.

That is what sent my emotions through the ceiling so often during this campaign. Half the story was told. Half the statement was used. The context was ignored so as to change the intended meaning. The campaign was a war, and truth was its first and primary casualty.

Have we reached the point in our country that not only is such rhetoric accepted, but even expected? Have we decided that in a process of deciding who will lead our country that truth is not an essential element? Have we become so amoral that anything goes when it comes to convincing the public our side is right and the other guy’s is wrong?

What is truth? Pilate asked Jesus that question (John 18). The gospel writer had prepared his reader throughout his book to see that the answer was not a philosophical statement but a Person. Jesus had said a few chapters earlier (John 14) he was “the way, the truth, and the life.” An enlightening study is to read the Gospel of John, underline every time the words "true" and "truth" are used, and ponder their context.

Truth is a Person and our use of the truth should reflect the nature of that Person. He is compassionate. The truth should not be used to hurt. He seeks the best for others. Truth should build others up. He is perfect. Truth should lead people into constant improvement. He is God Incarnate, Emmanuel, God with us. Truth should point us to God, his nature, and his will for our lives.

Truth should do these things, but only if we think the truth is of any value other than when we use it to support our agenda.