"They're not looking for people who are friendly. They're looking for people who will be a friend."
The major difference between being friendly and being a friend is the personal investment we are willing to make. This shows up in our neighborhoods, in our businesses, and in our churches. What we decide to be can make the difference between someone wanting to speak to us again and someone we will never see again. How much of you are you willing to share?
Every one of my thirty-three churches will tell you they are a friendly church. Just ask them! At the same time try to become a part of their family circle. That will tell you more about their definition of friendliness. Many of these churches are being very honest when they say they are friendly. Their definition of being friendly just has some qualifications attached.
In a world that is becoming dominated with means of communication that limit the place of body language and touch, people still want to know there is an emotion behind the words that is expressed in ways better than some emoticon. Few individuals want their lives to be dominated by a digital expression of others. There is still the need to be able to say you are part of a group of tangible people.
These groups may be family links. They may be fitness clubs. They may be social activist groups. They may be circles of individuals whose common interest demands that they have face-to-face contact. A digital presence will not be adequate for satisfaction regardless how bright the smile or clear the voice.
Friendship involves recognition of common goals, common needs, a common path through life. Details are unimportant. Friends answer the phone instead of allowing the machine to take it or the memory bank to record for later consideration. Friends change personal plans to be involved in the lives of others. Friends allow themselves to be inconvenienced because the relationship is worth it. Friends sacrifice for friends because what is maintained or gained is worth far more than what is sacrificed.
Friendliness too often is reduced to a set of negatives. I will not ignore you when you pass by. I will not erase your message immediately when you contact me. I will not forget to acknowledge a kind deed you did for me. Friendliness is more often marked by a response rather than an initiated action.
People need friends. Friends take the initiative. Friends make the first offer. Friends are willing to make sacrifices. Friends are willing to say I will change something about my life if it will make your life more of what it needs to be.
Churches offer friendship beyond friendliness when they offer authenticity. They offer friendship when they offer acceptance while remaining true to their beliefs, inclusion without compromise. They offer friendship anytime they offer a seat at the table of fellowship without first passing judgment.
Jesus said that a man must live out or even die to show his friendship. "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13, RSV) People are looking for friends that are willing to put some depth into their relationship, are willing to be honest about their relationship, are willing to put some commitment into their relationship. When our churches start practicing their faith on this level, the world will come asking about who we are.
