A Ministry to the Lonely

When was the last time you had more than a passing conversation with a human being face-to-face? How about an extended conversation over a digital device that involved more than a series of four word sentences? We can read all the books and stories and news bites we want, but they cannot replace personal and extended human interaction.

These two stories caught my attention recently and stirred my concern even more for the elderly vulnerable in our world.

From Great Britain:

 “The majority of people over 75 live alone and about 200,000 older people in the UK have not had a conversation with a friend or relative in more than a month, according to government data.

“Most doctors in Britain see between one and five patients a day who have come mainly because they are lonely, according to the Campaign to End Loneliness, a network tackling the health threat isolation poses to the elderly.”

Britain appoints minister for loneliness amid growing isolation,

Reuters, Lee Mannion, January 17, 2018

From CNBC a story about “ElliQ”:

 “A company named Intuition Robotics showed off a new robot at CES that's specifically designed for the elderly.

“It's a smart voice assistant with a personality that can help remind senior citizens of upcoming calendar appointments, show pictures from the family, receive and send messages and more. It's also supposed to serve as a companion that people can have social interactions with.”

(CNBC, Todd Haselton | @robotodd, Published 2:08 PM ET Tue, 9 Jan 2018)

It is one thing to be alone. It is altogether different to be lonely. There are many occasions in which we need to be alone. These might be times of concentrated introspection or when critical decisions need to be made. They may be times of personal, profoundly emotional prayer, and no one should be there but the Father and the one praying.

We were never meant to be lonely. From the beginning we were created to be social beings. God saw the need and created the two sexes to meet that need.

Gen 2:18 “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’”

That need for relationship was never lost regardless of our sinful state. The heartfelt cry of the Psalmist reflects this innate need of the human soul.

Psa_25:16 “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”

Since the time Cain asked God if he was responsible as his brother’s keeper (Genesis 4), we must be about the business of seeking the best for those around us. In the case of the elderly, it means we are responsible for meeting this critical need of socialization for them when they cannot do it for themselves. It involves one-on-one contact. It means including them as individuals of worth in our social circles. It means never allowing them to think they are forgotten.

As congregations of families of faith, we are to be clear about the place of our elderly members in our social circles. Far more than just providing them a chair at the table, we must encourage them to participate at the highest level they can. Through these relationships they come to see their value beyond an ability to produce material results. In this family context they realize their value as contributors to the social network in the eyes of God as well as those of the spiritual family.

Loneliness is a confirmed killer. First it kills the emotions, then the spirit, and finally the body. There is a known and effective cure. It is called friendship.

The Power of Touch

When Jesus extended his hand and touched the leper, he illustrated a need every human being has and, if were honest, would admit craved – the need to be touched. The Gospel writer Matthew records one illustration of this.

Mat 8:1-3 “When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, ‘Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.’ And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, ‘I will; be clean.’ And immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

Multiple studies have been done in numerous contexts proving the health of newborn children, both in the beginning and as they grow, is greatly impacted by the physical contact they receive. They need to be touched, held, and feel the nurture of another human being. Touch is essential for healthy development of mind, body, and emotions.

What is so critical for the tiny infant is just as critical for the aging adult. And in the same way, the need is for that contact to be supportive, compassionate, and conveying safe love. Perhaps as active and healthy individuals beyond childhood and before our declining years, we can try to ignore the need for physical contact as a source of reassurance. In our later years, however, that need for touch translates into the need for respect and the knowledge someone believes we still have value.

The infant must be held in a way that will not hurt it, will provide reassurance it will not fall, and convey a sense of security. For the aging adult the touch must also convey that which is positive and never that which brings pain or a sense of rejection. Touch must convey what the caring heart seeks to reveal.

Jesus touched others, and he also let others touch him. The Gospel of Mark records one such incident that became very public.

Mar 5:25-34 “And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, ‘If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.’ And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, ‘Who touched my garments?’ And his disciples said to him, ‘You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, “Who touched me?”’ And he looked around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.’”

When we are willing to touch and to be touched by those whom society may see as inconvenient or has chosen to ignore, we express the spirit of Jesus Christ as he dealt with people each day. No one was an outcast to Jesus. No one was beneath his attention. Each person needed what he had to offer, the unconditional love of God.

If we are to have the influence upon this world we are called to have as followers of Christ, then we must make ourselves available to others even as Christ did. Social media will never be sufficient. Love allows itself to be touched and even used while it reaches out to people like aging adults and says, “You are valuable to me. I will touch you with my life, and we will both be better off.”

The Measure of Compassion

One of my favorite organizational mottoes belongs to the Shriners who say something like, “No man stands taller than when he stoops to help a crippled child.” Helping those who cannot help themselves is a sign of compassion, of greatness, and of following in the spirit of Jesus Christ. Throughout his teachings, Jesus emphasized the need to assist the individual who had become a victim of the evil of this world, whether natural or manmade. He added his words to the message of the revelation of God before him. Help the widow, the orphan, and the sojourner in your midst.

The following words of Jesus have become the motivation for what is now a worldwide effort to show compassion through random acts of kindness. Operation Inasmuch can find in aging adults those who contribute to the support of others as well as be recipients of that same support.

Mat 25:40 “And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'” (ESV)

These words fulfill the intent of the Old Testament thought found in the Law, the Prophets and the Writings as illustrated by this verse from the Psalms.

Psa 146:9 “The LORD watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.” (ESV)

We need to look at our society, identify who these helpless are, and invest ourselves in showing them the love and compassion of the God who is also watching over them. Some have their focus on the unborn and children in general. Others choose to focus their energies on women and men who are trapped in slavery in a multitude of settings. The crisis of immigration draws the passion of others. Then there are those of us who see the aging adult as another of these who have become members of an outcast group that has in many ways become abandoned by society.

Many of these aging adults are still active in their communities, the “Go-Go” group, and we welcome their participation as long as they recognize their positions of power must be relinquished to a younger generation. Those aging adults that cannot keep up with the crowd are too often slowly pushed to the side, catered to as may be convenient, and eventually cared for out of necessity if at all. I have referred to these as adults who fit into the “Will-Go”, “Slow-Go”, and Can’t-Go” categories. The “Won’t-Go” category is mostly ignored by the church as being too obstinate to deserve attention.

Yet the Church and its individual members are called by God to see all these people as valuable members of his creation. He sees their needs and grieves when they are abandoned by the society they helped create. Aging adults are a part of our family. They are a part of the Family of God. We have a responsibility to care for them and to respect them. If we do not, one day they will stand up and be our judges.

We need to add the Church and Christians in general to the test suggested by the late US Senator Hubert H. Humphrey. Will we pass the test?

"...the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; those who are in the shadows of life; the sick, the needy and the handicapped."
~Last Speech of Hubert H. Humphrey

Senior Adults Are People

We may see them as individuals who are always on the go. They volunteer with non-profit organizations. They use a life time of accumulated skills to help others. They begin second careers. They continue to learn in a variety of ways. They pursue hobbies long postponed and develop new interests in areas of life never before explored. They travel with and without their extended families. The Go-Go individuals among our senior adults can be hard to slow down.

Those who have less initiative are just as willing to participate but need the encouragement of family and friends to be a part of the life around them. They need others to plan and include them in the activities that will keep them a part of the social circles they have valued all their lives. The Will-Go individuals are ready to go and be a part of the plans designed by others. They only need to know others want them.

Extra concern must be shown for those who need more than just an opportunity to be a part of friendship circles. They need consideration for how they feel each day. They need the consideration of how they will be able to get around either with extra support or with others providing transportation. These Slow-Go individuals are special members of our groups and must never be forgotten.

All too often the Can’t-Go individuals are out-of-sight/out-of-mind among their acquaintances. Their caregivers often suffer the same fate. Yet these people are valuable to the Kingdom of God and to society. The efforts others must make to include them will be more than worth the time and energy as everyone gains an enhanced sense of value and ability to contribute. Such efforts must be intentional. They must be planned, and the needs of the restricted individual must be a priority consideration. The result will be a blessing for all.

That fifth category can be frustrating, but it cannot be overlooked. Won’t-Go individuals may say they have no interest in being involved, but rare is the individual who has no desire to relate to others on some terms or in some type of situation. The task is to find the outlet in which these individuals will become involved and then lead them to see such involvement can be a positive addition to their own lives and to the lives of others. These need to know they are loved and of value to the Kingdom of God as much as any other human being.

In some form or fashion all our senior adults fall into one of these five groups. Each group has special qualities, abilities, and needs. As physical abilities deteriorate and the opportunities to interact outside of the residence become more limited, these opportunities become more of a priority in the social relationships of the individual. Social contacts decrease and more time is spent seeking to maximize physical strength.

Whether the focus is maximizing social interaction or in maintaining a sense of good health, spiritual development must be a priority. Every opportunity to strengthen the spiritual life must be optimized in whatever ways the individual can respond. The differences may be great, but when the senior adult ensemble takes its music to the nursing home, those who can sing share their abilities. Those who can only sit and listen lift the musicians up in prayer. All are given the chance to contribute to the work of the Kingdom of God and everyone receives a blessing.

Give the Go-Go a Reason to Go

A fifth category among our oldest generation is the Go-Go group. They have probably retired from their careers. They find themselves with a lot more time if not a lot more money. They have a wide variety of interests. They are in good health. They are the ones you will hear say, “I have less free time now than when I was working full time!”

They may take a nap in the middle of the day, but they are looking for something to do when they awaken. They play golf regularly, work out at the fitness center, or take walks either early in the morning or late in the afternoon several times a week. They may not be health nuts, but they know they need to be in good health to do what they want to do.

This Go-Go crowd makes up your senior volunteers at Habitat for Humanity home builds and repair projects. You’ll find them on highway clean-up crews and volunteers with recycling drives. They go flower and bird hunting with cameras. They are the leaders in flower and garden clubs and at the forefront of community beautification programs. When they are not home planting flowers, they are touring the United States or the far reaches of the world.

In brief the Go-Go crowd is on the go, they enjoy being on the go, and they wouldn’t be happy if they weren’t on the go. So the question is, how do you make life richer for the individual who is always on the go.

You give them a reason, a purpose, an inner motivation that is bigger than they are. They realize their on-the-go energy can make life better not just for themselves but others around them and even for the generations to come. From the perspective of those who are followers of Christ, it is a matter of doing something not for yourself, but for an eternal cause that is greater than any human purpose.

When the Apostle Paul wrote these words to the members of the Christian fellowship in Colossae, he was seeking to convey the importance of purpose in our actions. We may do a lot, but does it accomplish anything of value. Why we do something is of immense importance.

Col 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as though you were working for the Lord and not for people.

This verse was written in the context of instructions to slaves. The slaves had to be obedient, but if they kept their eyes on a greater motivation, then the quality of their work and their attitude in the midst of it would be far better. By placing your efforts in the hands of God, things have a greater chance of accomplishing their true purpose.

The Go-Go will be in involved. Where they will be involved is their choice, but being involved is simply a result of their internal drive “to do”. As we seek to enrich the lives of these people who find satisfaction in being involved, we must let them see a motivation that will lead them to exceed the expectations of others and perhaps even their own. It is a simple result of doing something for someone else. The more we value that other person, the more fulfilling our work will be.

Do your service in the name of the Lord. There is no one who has a greater claim on your life and all that you are. Give him the quality of work his position in your life deserves. You might think in terms of “good enough” for a human boss, but with Jesus “good enough never is” to quote the founder of Mrs. Field’s Cookies.

Give the Go-Go member of your group a divine purpose, a sense of motivation grounded in the person of God. Then you will see a person who gives their very best all the time and finds deep satisfaction in the process.