The Old Demon “Change”

 We see our reflection in a mirror or in the water or a shiny plate of metal, and we think, “What happened? What happened to that strong, youthful, in control, fine human being? Where did the hair and teeth go? Where did that stomach bulge come from? My joints didn’t use to ache. What happened?”

We know what happened. Change happened. No matter how much we want it not to happen, it happens. It happens in our personal lives. It happens in the social circles in which we move. It happens throughout the world and universe. We cannot stop it. Change happens.

How do we survive it in a healthy manner?

How can we embrace change as a friend instead of as the enemy?

Matthew 13:52 So (Jesus) replied, "This means, then, that every teacher of the Law who becomes a disciple in the Kingdom of heaven is like a homeowner who takes new and old things out of his storage room."

As we look back through the years, we embraced many changes with pride and excitement. The changes came when we moved through a milestone in school. The changes came in our clothing and shoes as we grew toward adulthood. Changes came as we acquired new skills and took on additional responsibilities. Changes came as relationships changed, sometimes for the better and sometimes not so.

In so many instances we saw change as being positive and a mark of our advancement whether in age, in height, or in skills. Somewhere along the way, however, change was no longer seen as a friend. Change became dominated by what we saw as the negative instead of the positive. Change was something to be avoided rather than sought. Instead of growth and accomplishment, change was taking us closer to the end, to death.

In the words of Jesus found in Matthew 13 we find hope. We also find wisdom and strength as we face this inevitable thing in our lives called change. Jesus tells us that change will happen but it doesn’t have to leave us feeling out of control. We can choose how we face this beast, and in choosing we can control how we will face it.

Every change we face offers us one great area still under our control: our attitude. We can decide what our attitudes will be with each change, and that will give us the control over how we face what is happening. Our attitudes dictate our perspective on the situation. They allow us to evaluate our options. They prepare us for the consequences of each choice we make. Change may happen beyond our ability to stop it, but we can shape the results of the change in many ways.

We can look at what we may be losing and what we may be gaining with each change. Our perspectives allow us to see what we are gaining may far exceed in long term value what we are giving up. Any time we can see we have profited from a change, it is much easier to handle. We may decide what we are losing was of value only because it was familiar and not because it was contributing to the quality of our lives. The newness coming into our lives may be somewhat fearful because it is different, but what it offers is so much more than what we had.

The wise individual in the thought of Jesus is one who willingly looks at all he has and decides how to move forward with it. He draws some from the old because it has proven itself to be of value in the future he now faces. He grasps the new because only with the new will he be able to deal with the change that has occurred. As we move through the years, it is a decision we face often.

See Me!

An episode in the British mystery series “Midsomer Murders” has an elderly character make the comment in so many words, “You know what the really terrible thing is about growing old? You become invisible.”

Many times in the Bible study I lead each week I have commented about the importance of the word “remember”. You need only look at how many places, buildings, pieces of furniture in churches, and the headstones in cemeteries carry a name to realize how important it is to us humans to be remembered, in some sense not to become invisible.

We call the shy ones “wallflowers”. We use other words such as introverted or backward. The result is often the same. The person becomes overlooked, and if it happens enough, they become invisible.

An elderly person is not as productive as they once were. Their conversations often turn more to the subjects of how they have changed or the challenges they face or the loved ones and friends they have lost than to things of the future or hopes or dreams. The pains and regrets seem to outnumber anything positive in their lives. No one wants to listen to their stories. They are avoided. They become invisible.

They don’t have to become invisible. They can be acknowledged for who they are, valuable human beings with much yet to contribute to the society they helped build. Material productivity may be lost for the main part. One of the great losses of humanity is the lack of importance we should place on simple human interaction and relational enrichment.

Those whom we have allowed to become invisible can still contribute to their society in ways of great value if shown how and given the opportunity. In Japan Living National Treasures are individuals or groups who have earned the right through many years of developing skills to be considered living repositories of these skills. In the same way our eldest may be considered repositories of wisdom and history.

Though in vain I have looked for it, as a high school student I read a short story in a collection of science fiction pieces entitled “The Time Machine”. It was not a typical sci-fi piece as much as it was about the ability of imagination to make valuable what the world has pushed aside. In summary it was the story of a young boy who bragged to his friends that he had a time machine at his house.

When challenged to reveal his time machine, he took his friends to his home and introduced them to his grandfather. As the elderly gentleman told stories of his childhood, his young audience was transported back to a time found only in history books and seen as exhibits in museums. He was indeed a time machine just as surely as were the men I heard relate their personal experience in the great San Francisco fire of 1906 or tales of firing cannons in World War I before they themselves became a part of history.

We will discover something precious if we are willing to stop our mad race with time and still the chaotic noise of the world around us. All we need to do is adjust our lives and give that most precious of gifts, our attention, and we will find ourselves in the presence of living treasures. These individuals or small groups will discover through us they are neither forgotten nor invisible.

Leviticus 19:32 “You shall rise up before the grayheaded and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the Lord.” (NASB)

One Big Family

 Many years ago my work took me to a new ministry position several hundred miles from my sons’ grandparents. It had not been easy getting back to my parents’ home in the past. Now it was even more difficult. My sons felt the loss.

One evening at a church gathering, the two little boys took independent action that forever has touched our lives. Without the knowledge of my wife or me, the two confronted an older woman in the church who looked in many ways like my mother and asked, “Will you be our granny?”

We had already come to know the woman. She was a widow and had no children of her own. Her limited extended family lived three states away. Though she had her church family and was active in the life of the church, still she was alone.

Only in later months did we come to realize what the question from our sons meant to her. She knew them as our sons, children of the new minister in the church. There had been other “new” children in the church, coming and going and growing up, all independent of any involvement on her part. With a single question from two little boys barely out of their preschool years, this all changed.

The family of God makes for a nice phrase. We see a crowd in a Sunday morning worship service. We take part in a Communion or Eucharist service with others in the local congregation. We attend weddings, baby dedications, and funerals and in some way see this as affecting the family of faith. The question we are forced to ask ourselves is do we see these people simply as members of our church or as our brothers and sisters, our children, our parents, our “grannies”.

The phrase “family of God” must be more than a general statement of organizational membership. The Apostle Paul felt strongly about the nature of the bonds between members of the family of God. In the first letter he wrote to his young coworker Timothy he says,

1Ti 5:1-2 Don't correct an older man. Encourage him, as you would your own father. Treat younger men as you would your own brother, and treat older women as you would your own mother. Show the same respect to younger women that you would to your sister.

Most of us value our blood-kin families. They have created the environment in which we have grown. They have provided the extended relationships which have allowed us to see the world from different but safe perspectives. They have taught us, encouraged us, and comforted us through the good times and the not so good. We do not wish them harm, rather only the best.

Within the family of God, our intentions should be the same. From various members of our family of faith we have received encouragement, wisdom, and the assurance we are not facing difficulties alone. In turn we have been there to offer support to others at times of need. We have shared our experiences in hopes others would learn valuable lessons. We have offered comfort in times of grief and words of joy in times of celebration. That is what family members compelled by the love of God do.

A generation of believers in a family of faith should see the older generation as mothers and fathers in the faith. Those of similar age and at the same stage of social and physical development should see each other as brothers and sisters. The next generation may well be our sons and daughters in the faith who need to see examples of faith and love lived out in the relationships of those who are older.

We are one big family linked by our faith in God and his Son Jesus Christ. The world desperately needs to see what true and pure family love is all about.

The Encouraging Word

Too often we dwell on what we used to be or what we used to be able to do. As one comment has been made that reflects on us older adults, we maintain visions of what we used to be in our bodies of today. When we acknowledge the truth of what we are and the loss we have experienced, frustration and depression can be the result.

Such a frame of mind need not be, however. To look in the mirror is to see that change and the loss it brings are natural processes of life. Each individual experiences these changes and losses in their own unique way and at a different pace.

For some the process can offer extended opportunities for experiencing the best parts of life. For others the changes come too quickly and reflect a deteriorating life condition. We have all known some for whom “old age” came at fifty while others seem capable of a lifestyle at seventy enjoyed by those still in their forties. We are saddened by the early onset of this loss of health and energy, but we are forced to accept it as a part of life.

So what can we do, as ones who may enjoy a more varied set of activities in our lives, for those whose limitations have come too soon either in their eyes or the eyes of the world? When you cannot change their physical condition, you can help them change their attitude.

Psychologists have noted the one thing over which persons have total and sole control is their attitude, the way they choose to face a condition or a situation. Frustration and depression of the non medical sort are attitudes revealing the perspective of a person facing their context. If we can change the perspective, then we may perhaps change the attitude.

Pro 12:25 Worry is a heavy burden, but a kind word always brings cheer. (CEV)

What does an encouraging word represent? Consider what you are conveying when you offer a person who is frustrated by their current situation. You are telling them they have been noticed. You “see” them. They are not invisible to the world. They are uniquely remembered among all the people around them.

You care about them. To speak an encouraging word is tell them you feel compassion for them and not just from a distance. You are willing to enter into their lives with an expression of concern. This is more than the idea their name crossed your mind in a passing moment. Their situation elicited a response from you that was to be shared with them. Thus the action is more than just the word; it is an expression of your lives coming together.

The encouraging word may be spoken. It may also be written. A letter to my mother is read multiple times before it is laid aside to be replaced with the newest written communication. In the same fashion young preschoolers are known to have carried a postcard addressed to them for days after receiving it in the mail.

The encouraging word conveys the idea a person is remembered and that someone cares. The encouraging word says things can be seen in a different light and change for the better is possible. Written or spoken, the encouraging word offers hope, renews emotional and spiritual strength, and lets the individual know they are not facing the next moment alone.

The Apostle Paul wrote in his Second Letter to the Corinthians we who have been in need before should share our hope with those needing encouragement now.

2Co 1:3-4 Praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! The Father is a merciful God, who always gives us comfort. He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble. (CEV)

The encouraging word is like a smile, always available and always free.

A Ministry to the Lonely

When was the last time you had more than a passing conversation with a human being face-to-face? How about an extended conversation over a digital device that involved more than a series of four word sentences? We can read all the books and stories and news bites we want, but they cannot replace personal and extended human interaction.

These two stories caught my attention recently and stirred my concern even more for the elderly vulnerable in our world.

From Great Britain:

 “The majority of people over 75 live alone and about 200,000 older people in the UK have not had a conversation with a friend or relative in more than a month, according to government data.

“Most doctors in Britain see between one and five patients a day who have come mainly because they are lonely, according to the Campaign to End Loneliness, a network tackling the health threat isolation poses to the elderly.”

Britain appoints minister for loneliness amid growing isolation,

Reuters, Lee Mannion, January 17, 2018

From CNBC a story about “ElliQ”:

 “A company named Intuition Robotics showed off a new robot at CES that's specifically designed for the elderly.

“It's a smart voice assistant with a personality that can help remind senior citizens of upcoming calendar appointments, show pictures from the family, receive and send messages and more. It's also supposed to serve as a companion that people can have social interactions with.”

(CNBC, Todd Haselton | @robotodd, Published 2:08 PM ET Tue, 9 Jan 2018)

It is one thing to be alone. It is altogether different to be lonely. There are many occasions in which we need to be alone. These might be times of concentrated introspection or when critical decisions need to be made. They may be times of personal, profoundly emotional prayer, and no one should be there but the Father and the one praying.

We were never meant to be lonely. From the beginning we were created to be social beings. God saw the need and created the two sexes to meet that need.

Gen 2:18 “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’”

That need for relationship was never lost regardless of our sinful state. The heartfelt cry of the Psalmist reflects this innate need of the human soul.

Psa_25:16 “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”

Since the time Cain asked God if he was responsible as his brother’s keeper (Genesis 4), we must be about the business of seeking the best for those around us. In the case of the elderly, it means we are responsible for meeting this critical need of socialization for them when they cannot do it for themselves. It involves one-on-one contact. It means including them as individuals of worth in our social circles. It means never allowing them to think they are forgotten.

As congregations of families of faith, we are to be clear about the place of our elderly members in our social circles. Far more than just providing them a chair at the table, we must encourage them to participate at the highest level they can. Through these relationships they come to see their value beyond an ability to produce material results. In this family context they realize their value as contributors to the social network in the eyes of God as well as those of the spiritual family.

Loneliness is a confirmed killer. First it kills the emotions, then the spirit, and finally the body. There is a known and effective cure. It is called friendship.