The Sad Loss of Civility

Keeping a civil tongue in your head used to mean not saying something that would otherwise get you into big trouble. Now it would appear that a "civil tongue" is such a rare commodity that few take its absence as any great loss. Thankfully there are a few who have noticed and do raise the issue of "What ever happened to civility".

Several years ago a professor from the Kenan School of Business at UNC-Chapel Hill in an address to the leadership of the Baptist State Convention of NC made the point that the lack of civility would be one of the great challenges of the 21st century. Especially during this election year we have seen his words proven true.

In recent days an opinion piece has been in our local community newspaper, The Pilot, that decried the use of half truths and outright falsifications in the presidential campaigns. From both sides I might add. In his most recent blog posting, James Emery White chose a British slang term "snarky" to describe the tone and verbiage that has characterized much of our public speech. As he said, there is nothing like having a word that sounds just like what it describes.

In his blog White quotes several biblical passages that emphasize the positive of civil speech. Such communication has the power to calm, to heal, to restore, and to reconcile. It also has the power to save your hide from getting burned when you might have otherwise said something totally out of line. A favorite one-liner is "Make sure your words are always soft and sweet just in case you have to eat them."

Civility has its cousins, not only in its root word of "civil", but in the verb civilize and the companion adjective civilized and noun civilization. We have concrete images of what these words convey. We have equally graphic images of what their opposites convey. As we ponder these meanings, we need to make sure we do not confuse uncivilized with simple or primitive. Some of the most civil folks I've met are those who saw people from a very uncomplicated perspective.

A civilized person is noted for qualities such as self-respect and respect for others. A civilized person will have a sense of moral direction that allows for the freedom and moral development of others. A civil person will see her/himself as a part of a greater interdependent whole that functions best for all when all are seen as valued members of that society, or civilization if you will.

A civil person will treat others as he or she would want to be treated. That kind of treatment includes the aforementioned respect, willingness to give the benefit of the doubt and a second chance, and the desire to forgive when a wrong has been committed. A civil person sees the innate value in others and the potential for development that is good both for the individual and society.

Jesus was civil. He was honest, brutally at times. He served instead of demanding to be served. He saw the best in others. He encouraged others to be their best. He offered a way for others to be their best beyond the limitations of this world. Jesus revealed and exemplified a society, a civilization that exceeded the rules of human relationships. His civility created relationships with the Divine and could redeem willing souls for eternity.

Chasing That Little White Ball - Lessons from Golf

I have just finished three days of watching a group of ten-year olds chase the future. My job was to keep the coolers filled with ice water out on the golf course. There was purpose behind my work. Keep the players and their families hydrated. Keep tempers minimized by helping them keep towels and tongues cool. My coworkers and I succeeded rather well under the circumstances.

I wonder about the logic of the game of golf. You hit a small ball to move it along. You catch up with it only to hit again. You do your best to put it in a hole in the ground only to pick it up and hit it again. You are always chasing the ball and just when you catch up with it, you knock it out of sight once more. For these young lads and their often caddy-dads, there was at least the benefit of exercise. For most others that had carts, even the benefit of a good work out was absent.

Chasing the future is a phrase most fitting for these golf events. Many of the players know this is a short-lived interest. Others, however, dream of having their name inscribed someday on a silver cup as they win some notable tournament. They dream of the day when they will be on international television and have multimillion dollar sponsors. They are chasing the future.

As one modern proverb goes, "You are old when your regrets outnumber your dreams." Forgive my senior moments if I have quoted this before; it remains one of my favorites. To dream is to chase the future. You may catch up with it at times and find a dream has been realized, but there is always another tee from which to hit that ball, another green on which to putt, another hole into which you must drop that ball, and another dream waiting in which to lose yourself. You need to be chasing the future so that your dreams will always outnumber your regrets.

The golf course had multiple par three holes. Three young boys were good enough to have holes-in-one. The par fours and the par fives forced them to show their power and their consistency. Some caught their dreams and moved on. Others had experiences that resembled nightmares! All went to the next green determined to continue to chase their dream.

My dreams are like those various holes on the course. Some I have conquered with obvious divine intervention. Others have become nightmares that moved into the past with deep gratitude. Yet other dreams awaited. I was still chasing the future. I am still chasing the future. Though in my sixties, my regrets do not come close to outnumbering my dreams.

A follower of Jesus Christ does not carry the burden of saving the world. There should be no regrets that all things for the individual are not possible. Salvation and miracles are in the hands of God. A follower of Christ has one great dream in this life: to honor God in thought, word, and deed. The greater dream that will extend beyond death is to hear the words of acceptance, "Well done, good and faithful servant...Enter into the joy of your master." (Matthew 25:21, 23) When the end of this course arrives, believers will move into the celebration of victory that will last for eternity. Any regrets will disappear and what had been a dream will become reality.

Believers are pilgrims on a glorious path leading to the fulfillment of a glorious dream. Regrets are forgiven. Dreams are strengthened. We chase the future. That future is laid out before us as we come to tees to launch our dreams, move boldly along fairways, and come to greens where we will see the culmination of our efforts even as we prepare to move on to the next field of endeavor.

Whatever your age may be, keep your eyes on the future. Let it pull you forward. Chase its promise with all your strength. Long to hear the words of blessing. Refuse to allow regrets turn your focus to the past. Chase the future, and let your dreams multiply.

Competition with Integrity

Sometimes I think it would be nice to sit in front of the television or computer screen and watch hours of Olympic contests. I am awed by the pageantry surrounding the athletes from the countries of the world as they compete in a wide variety of games. Each must feel the pressure as he or she gives the very best effort to make their families, friends, and country proud. Their best?

Two stories have come out in the last twenty-four hours that make the observer wonder about the integrity of some athletes. We have become accustomed to the doping scandals. This year we are hearing more about trying to decide just what is female and what is male. These two problems can be classified as cheating to gain an advantage over a competitor or simply biological hurdles that we must face as we learn more about the human body and its sometimes malfunction.

But what about those athletes who give less than their best to gain an advantage? In one day we see Michael Phelps push his body to the nth degree to break a long-standing record for the total number of medals won by one athlete. He succeeded by earning his nineteenth medal and now holds a new record replacing one that had stood for nearly fifty years. During the same day eight badminton players from three countries were disqualified for trying to LOSE their games in order to move into an easier bracket in their sport!

Some athletes feel they have to cheat to win. Here are athletes who felt they had to lose to have a chance at winning. Is there any wonder that they were booed by the spectators due to their lackluster and seemingly incompetent efforts? What else about integrity will be sacrificed to gain what some would feel is an advantage in the march to the gold?

We are always in some form of competition. Maybe it is a move ahead in our jobs. Perhaps it is a self-imposed competition such as the number of books we will read or the number of internet courses we can take. Perhaps we have set a goal in exercising or weight loss. In all such cases we are competing against something if only the idea of succeeding in reaching our personal goal.

Integrity in competition says that we know the rules that everyone is following and we will follow them as well. Competition with integrity says you give your very best without making use of materials that create an unfair advantage be it tactics, chemical, or genetic. (See the old syfy short story, "The Mickey Mouse Olympics")

Do we get into competition as Christians and churches? Do we see the need at times to try tactics that would put us in better light than our neighbor or neighbor's church? Have we decided that we are in competition with sister Christians to reach the wandering souls around us?

Integrity in competition says first of all you know who your opposition is. For the Christian it is not other Christians, but the evil of this world. Just like an Olympic relay race, there are multiple runners, but they are all on the same team. Integrity says we work together. We are on the same team. We give our very best with the abilities God has given us developed into the best we can make them. We don't try to succeed with the tools of the world. We don't try to outdo other Christians especially at the other's expense. We compete even against evil with integrity. We reflect the nation we represent, the Kingdom of God.

There can be no competition among followers of Christ. There can be no divergence from the rules God has given us. We support the same goals. We serve the same Master. As the old saying goes, "There is no competition between lighthouses."

Remember Me!

Periodically I make a journey across the mountains into Kentucky and Indiana to see extended family members. I watch the odometer to check distance between towns and so measure my progress. After many such trips I am also measuring my progress by the roadside crosses that I pass.

Most have a name, full or nickname. Some have a picture, some elaborate, some sketched, at least one imprinted on a now faded tee shirt. Many have flowers, usually artificial, but some are fresh and seem to be replaced on a regular basis. We know each represents some terrible tragedy that in the blink of an eye took a loved one or ones from a family.

Those crosses are placed so that others will remember and never forget.

During the most recent trip, my elder son and I spent some time in the Cave Hill Cemetery of Louisville, KY, taking pictures of designs and inscriptions. The newer sections resemble most others in our current trends. The older sections, however, reminded me of the pictures of cemeteries in London, England or our own New Orleans. The monuments to the deceased were elaborate, ornate, imaginative, and many were BIG!

Statements of love and compassion adorned many. Statues illustrated the heroic aspects of the human spirit. Mausoleums were designed to appear as churches or small homes. Wealth was turned into stone to express the grief or pride or both in the loss of husband or wife, son or daughter. One thirty-foot monument even had the last will and testament concerning the material possessions of the deceased cut into it to insure there would be no doubt about his intents after his death.

The monuments were placed there so that others would remember and never forget.

One individual in the past made his memorial a living one. He expressed his desire not to be forsaken and forgotten while being crucified. He expressed his desire to the Son of God who was dying on the cross next to him. His cry of "Remember me" has lived down through the centuries as the cry of all of us as we turn our faces to God in our hours of greatest need (Luke 23).

"Remember me!" None of us want to believe that at our deaths our lives will become only as dust in the wind, blown away and never noticed again. We want someone somewhere to acknowledge that our lives had meaning and value, and that somehow something about this world is different because we lived. Did anyone notice that we passed by?

I believe that all such cries are remembered. Will our passing receive headlines? For most of us the answer is no. Few of us will ever be mentioned in a history book. Unless some future family member is big into genealogy, there is a good chance that your name will not be recognized by your own kin after about four generations. Yet our need to be remembered will not be ignored.

God doesn't forget anything (except our forgiven sins). In multiple passages in the Bible, we are reminded that God has taken steps to insure we are not forgotten. Yes, the Bible uses the very human terminology of books, but how else can we sinful mortals illustrate the fact that God will not forget us (Hosea 8; Malachi 4; Revelation 20)?

The response of Jesus to the thief on the cross is the answer we all long to hear. We will not be forgotten. We will not be ignored. We do not need to build huge monuments to ourselves to keep from being lost in history. "This day you will be with me in paradise." Such assurance need not be prophetic as to the time of our reunion with Christ. It is sufficient in that it reminds us that we will be united at some point. When is not important, only that we will be remembered.

Got Sweat?

In a recent marriage enrichment retreat, the keynote speaker emphasized how much work it took to create a healthy and growing marriage. After nearly 35 years of marriage myself, I can identify. Or at least I can imagine how much work it took for my wife to tolerate me all this time and refrain from making herself a widow. As one minister said to a young couple in the midst of premarital counseling, "When you wake up each morning and look at your wife in curlers, you have to tell yourself again you love her. She'll have to say the same thing each day as your stomach expands and your hairline retreats!" Love comes out of the commitment, and commitment takes work. Got sweat?

Marriage isn't the only thing that takes work to keep the commitment strong. Keeping a church on track in fulfilling its purpose and mission takes work. It takes cooperation. It takes personal sacrifice. It takes humility. It takes honest acknowledgement that the body of Christ is not made up of one part, but rather many parts, and they are all important (Romans 12; I Corinthians 12). Every contribution made by a church member in the name of Christ for the sake of the Kingdom of God is valuable and is to be honored.

Giving honor to others when you'd like some is work. Working when others get the honor takes humility, patience, and perseverance. Making the effort to get the job done regardless of whose responsibility it might be takes work. Doing all things for the glory of God and as if you were doing it for Christ himself may be rewarding, but it is still work. Making sure you are effective (that's doing the right thing) instead of being dominated by doing things right (that's being efficient) takes hard work. Yet it is the only way a congregation will find itself obedient before God.

The one supreme purpose of the people of God is give him glory and honor. Everything else that might be named is a method by which we can do that. The first and greatest commandment is to love God (Matthew 22). No one shows love by sitting on their anatomy all day. Ask any wife who has to look at her couch-potato husband. He could show a lot more love by mowing the yard and painting the house, or better yet, vacuuming the carpet and washing the clothes. That's love! It's also work.

The church honors and glorifies God best when it in obedience goes into the fields of the world where souls are ready to be harvested and loves those souls as God loves them (John 4). In those fields the church will work up a sweat feeding the hungry and providing a roof for the homeless. The church will visit the sick, the elderly, and the imprisoned. The church will offer a hand to the weak and friendship to the lonely. The church will provide hope to the hopeless and the path of salvation to those who are dying while trying to make it on their own (Matthew 25). The church will do it all in the name of Jesus Christ. That may be joyful, but it can turn into hard work.

You cannot exempt associations and conventions. They have responsibilities before God as well. They too will be held accountable for putting feet and hands to the love they are supposed to be showing their God. As they support the local church in its efforts to fulfill the Great Commission, they are doing the work for which they were created. As they provide resources which can only be provided as churches work together, they are accomplishing their purpose. Associations and conventions cannot be successful holding meetings and talking about the terrible condition of the world. They must be at work and that will create sweat.

It is the rare thing of value we find in this world that can be gained without work and personal investment. Most often they require a great deal of effort. They require personal sacrifice. Marriages, friendships, freedom, these require work and effort and sweat whether physical, emotional, or mental. One thing that stands out from all these is the love of God and the grace for eternal life we find in it. No amount of work can earn it. No amount of personal sacrifice will make us good enough to have it. It's free (Romans 6:23). The sweat we save for the life of obedience that says thank you.

You Got Two Options. Choose Wisely.

At a recent conference I attended, that was the extent of the choices given to today's local churches. The local church was faced with the need for dramatic and deep change or it would die. I have to elaborate and say that goes for the individual Christian, the local association of churches, and the conventions on the state and national level. Of course we hear that a lot from a variety of directions. The problem arises when we are forced to decide what to change and to what extent both in our personal lives and in the arena of these larger collections of relationships.

Relevancy is a key concept in this, and it can and should be separated in content and methodology. While content can remain relevant for eternity, methodology may need to change on a regular basis. Relevancy reveals importance, value, and applicability. Relevancy is often lost when the communication methodology is muddled, and only reappears when the methodology is changed.

The human body must change if it is to remain healthy. It will grow. It will change form as well as size. Changes will take place that are both apparent and hidden. The process of maturing will bring about loss in some areas and gains in others, some of course we would like to avoid. Change is inevitable in living things. The only option is the radical change caused by death itself.

So what's new about this revelation? People have been writing on the subject for years. Change or die. We live with it. We recognize its own relevancy as a concept for our lives. So what's new?

Perhaps it is the idea that even though it is being repeated over and over, no one is listening. In far too many cases either no change is being considered or the change is cosmetic. Deep change is being avoided. Substance remains the same. Change that would guarantee a healthy future is not happening.

On the personal level people must eat right and get enough exercise and rest. People must stretch their minds through activities that involve something besides television and video games in ways that will develop abilities in analysis, evaluation, and application. People must seek to grow in ways other than girth. We find it easy to see what needs to be done in our personal lives. The public media is telling us that all the time!

State and national conventions must look not only at what will be new in how they do their ministries, but also what will renew the foundations that provide the resources for those ministries. Who is providing the material resources for advances in missions? Who is training the leadership for these advances? From where will the next generation of leaders come?

The local church must step forward to answer these questions. State and national conventions look to the local church to provide the funds and the leaders for our mission and ministry efforts. The health of the local church will determine the health of all those institutions that depend upon it. Right now the 20th century church is having a hard time keeping its head above the water in the 21st century. It must change or it will die, and if it does, it will take a significant portion of those institutions that depend upon it with it.

Church, and association, renewal must move beyond repeating the old methods at a faster and more desperate clip. Relevancy in renewal must focus on how effectively we are communicating the unchanging content. Relevancy in renewal must focus upon finding and using the languages of our cultures. Relevancy in renewal must focus upon understanding those we are trying to reach and do so in a way that insures what we are saying is understood by those we are urging to listen.

Change or die. We can change. We don't have to die - as churches, associations, or conventions. If we don't change in a healthy and intentional way, however, death remains our only option.

Freedom Of and From

Franklin Delano Roosevelt sought to provide Americans with a country in which they would appreciate their freedom of speech and worship and their freedom from want and fear. His dream was to get Americans to realize that all they had to fear was fear itself, his goal from his first inaugural address in 1932. Freedom of and freedom from have defined our country from its earliest days.

From the chaotic and turbulent days of 1776, we as Americans have proudly and loudly proclaimed our freedom. It didn't matter that not everyone within our borders was free. We knew it was an ideal, that we had not reached it yet in its purest form, but we were willing to hold freedom up as a goal toward which we would work, live, and die to make real for everyone. Martin Luther King, Jr. said as much in his words, "America is essentially a dream."

Since those days of the signing of the Declaration of Independence 236 years ago, we have sought to make that dream a thing of reality for all that we could. For some we failed miserably with never the possibility to undo what was done. For others freedom has come in name only, and they still seek the fulfillment without man made hindrance of being able to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.

Freedom isn't free we tell ourselves. Freedom isn't easy to maintain either by government or by individual. Freedom is like muscle tone: use it or lose it. Freedom is fragile. Treat it with care.

We have so many ways to express our concern for our freedom, the value of our freedom, and the importance of freedom itself for all people everywhere. We know with only a moment's thought that freedom is more than fireworks on the 4th of July or parades or flags of stars and stripes hanging in our yards.

Freedom is people going to vote. Freedom is people marching in the streets. Freedom is a strong multi-party political system. Freedom is the right of free speech and a free press. Freedom is the right to worship without the fear of hand grenades and machine guns. Freedom is carrying a Bible or any other book openly in the street or reading it in your home without fear of police or soldiers.

Such freedom can be lost in a moment. There are other kinds of freedom, however, freedoms that endure regardless of governments or laws or guns or the opinions of men. There is one freedom especially that is independent of all these and is even independent of this life altogether. It is the freedom of the soul.

In the eighth chapter of the Gospel of John in the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus lays the foundation for this eternal freedom (John 8:31-36). He who says the truth will set you free calls himself the Truth (John 14:6). He who says it is the Son who can give you true freedom is himself the Son (John 3:16).

The Apostle Paul in Galatians, his great letter of Christian freedom, begins the fifth chapter with the words, "For freedom Christ has set you free." We are intended to be free, not from the guidance that comes from an understanding of the will of God, but from the penalty that comes with our failure to follow that will.

We are free only in Christ. In all other ways we live under the delusion of freedom when it is slavery to the tyrants of this world that we are experiencing. A flag with stars stands for our freedom in this life. A flag with a cross stands for our freedom in eternity. Does your freedom extend beyond the bars of death?